Dear Harlan:

Men and women have told me that it’s so cute to not have a big chest like some other girls have. They also say that it’s much better because my breasts will always be in the right place as I get older. Some guys have even told me that the way I move is younger and more lively than most girls, thanks to the freedom of not having big breasts. They like that so much better. However, the one person that I would want to prefer a 
small-chested woman doesn’t. My boyfriend says he loves me, and when I’m almost starting to believe it, he points and says “Look, a hot girl!” I’m OK with that — I look at hot guys too — it’s just that whenever I look at the “hot girl,” she always has those breasts. They’re not exactly big, but they are always at least three or four sizes larger than mine. And then I’ll break down and he will ask, “what did I do now?” It really hurts when he says they’re fine, but then he only looks at girls that actually have larger breasts. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

–Annie

Dear Annie:

Maybe you’re so outrageously attractive that he can’t imagine that his comments are a problem, because your beauty transcends all bigger-breasted women. He also could be insensitive or unaware that he’s hurting you. A couple that wants to stay together needs a system in place when admiring others’ beauty. For example, when I look at an attractive woman and I’m with my wife, my system is to point out the clothing or accessories of the woman I’m admiring (I tell my wife to check out the purse or shoes. Then I ask her if she likes that style — in case I want to surprise her). Start by making sure your boyfriend knows how he’s hurting your feelings. Then offer up a couple of suggestions: 1) he stops admiring big-chested women in your presence or 2) he starts being more vocal about all the smaller-breasted women. Bottom line: This is about him listening to and respecting your feelings.  This isn’t too much to ask.

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