Dear Harlan:

I have a split identity when relating to women. I want to be the perfect nice guy, but lately, I’m torn. This past year, I was dating two girls at once. Both were beautiful and motivated, and I decided not to choose. One moved away, and the other relationship fizzled out after five months. Now I’m seeing a wonderful girl, but I find myself eyeing others, partially because I got away with it once.

I’ve come to the realization that this insatiable desire for women stems from my own insecurities. I want all women to want me, and if they don’t, it’s a rejection. I’m always looking for better women because I need the affirmation in order to feel confident about myself. I imagine it’s up to my own willpower to change these feeling to ensure this doesn’t become a lifelong habit that could lead to cheating on someone I dearly love. Any words of wisdom would be helpful.

–Nice Jerk

Dear Nice Jerk:

For starters, I’d drop the “nice.”

Wisdom is going to sleep alone at night and knowing that you’re desirable. Wisdom is waking up alone in the morning and knowing that you’re desirable. Wisdom is living a life independent of a woman and still knowing that you’re desirable. Once you can honestly believe that you are desirable — then you can start to be honest with women. And then, what develops will be so deep and so special that the outer beauty of other women can’t compete with what you have. But until you know that you are desirable, neither one woman nor 1,000 women will be ever be enough to satisfy you.

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