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NAKED ADVICE: Girl wonders where are all the sensitive guys

Dear Harlan:

I'm having a hard time understanding guys lately. Why do boys have such a hard time opening up and expressing themselves? Why do they have such a hard time opening up to the person they care about the most, and then eventually push her away? This seems to be happening to me on a regular basis. Help!

— Pushed

Dear Pushed:

Please don't lump all us men into the cold and unfeeling category. Some women can be just as unfeeling. You'd be surprised just how many men are willing be vulnerable. Look at the Speaker of the House, John Boehner. He cried on "60 Minutes" and on national TV. He loves to cry, and he's a powerful guy. I'm crying right now (not really, but I'm not afraid to be vulnerable). You're just not finding the right guys. A lot of sensitive guys are so worried about making you uncomfortable that they don't want to make the first move. They don't want to look creepy. So make the move. Talk to men who interest you. Do it during the day. Do it while sober. And do it in a place you can talk. It's hard to gauge someone's emotional depth following a drunken hookup at a party. Connect with a guy over a long period of time. Watch him in action. See how he interacts with friends, family and exes. Get to know him long enough to feel comfortable asking him about his most uncomfortable moments. If he can't open up soon enough, move on. We're out there. You just have to work a little harder to find us.

- Need Naked Advice? Click here to write Harlan

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Tags: Cohen, Dating, Harlan, Naked, advice, dating, relationships

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Comment by Miklos Pakozdy on March 14, 2012 at 5:26pm

very insightful Grant

Comment by Miklos Pakozdy on March 14, 2012 at 5:23pm

I second Colton's comment.  That seems to have hit the nail on the head.

Comment by Grant Posner on February 27, 2012 at 5:31pm

Harlan is right.  Most sensitive men are very shy, afraid that anything that do will bother someone, especially women when it comes to flirting and the like.  From personal experience of a 22 year old single guy, talking to women sucks!  It really does, especially ones that are tough to read because you never know if you are offending them.  I am an open person, outspoken (which can get me into trouble, but whatever) individual, but put me in a room with someone I am interested in I become extremely shy.  I don't drink (like most students), nor do I party, so I may advise against looking for sensitive guys at the bar..  The worst part about being that sensitive guy is when you get friend-zoned and then listen to the girl complain about how she wishes there were more nice guys and whatnot.. Check your friend-zone, you may be surprised about the sweet, caring, emotional guys there trying to shout their heart at you yet to afraid of rejection.

And on the topic of rejection, everyone hates it, and the guys that are shy and emotional are unlikely to make the first move, afraid of being rejected and alone.  It is one of those tight ropes we all walk and one mis-step the guy falls off or hits himself in the balls, either way, not fun.. (not a necessary metaphor, but I figured it would be funny). Many women do not know how many guys like them because they expect the guy to act first and so many out there have an issue doing so without some serious hints.  Yea it sucks for both sides, but sometimes its best to work for what you want and not take what falls into your arms first, unless of course that is what you have always wanted.

That is just my $0.02 though, not an expert here, just speaking from experience, or rather, lack there of (not saying I have never dated, but the whole chase thing is not fun if you encounter failure)..

-G

Comment by colton wagner on February 27, 2012 at 12:18pm

Harlan is completely correct in saying there are sensitive guys out there. Being one of them, here are a couple things that make them go unnoticed. They are afraid of making the first move as afore mentioned because they don't want to seem creepy. They are also usually very quiet and/or shy.

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