Dear Harlan:

My ex and I recently had a big blowout and broke up. Now that it's over, I guess my biggest question is, how do you get back to being friends after going through a relationship? Are there any rules? Steps? Processes? Both of us have decided to give each other some space, try to be open and honest, and maybe possibly start hanging out again in the next few weeks. What do you recommend? How can we get back to being friends?

– Ex-Friend

Dear Ex-Friend:

It's tricky to be friends after being in a relationship. In order to make the transition, both exes have to really want to just be friends. That means you have to be able to be in the same room and not imagine kissing that person. You have to be able to be in the same room and watch someone else kiss your ex. You can't get drunk and hook up. You can't stay sober and hook up. You also can't fantasize about being with your friend or imagine being together again. You have to actually behave the way friends who have no sexual attraction behave. If you can't do that, you can't be friends.

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