Dear Harlan:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years since graduating high school. Prior to him, my ex-boyfriend cheated on me. Throughout my current relationship, I told my boyfriend that I do not trust him because he had lied to me about going to a strip bar. He told me to trust him, but I continued to accuse him of being a liar and being unfaithful, despite the fact that I had no evidence. This past year, he transferred graduate schools to be closer to me, but my accusations continued.

After all that, last week he told me that he kissed another girl last month. He said that he had been drinking, but he did not want to use that as an excuse. He then said, “but you never trusted me anyway.” I appreciate his honesty, but I’m still deeply hurt. I have told him that I would like to take a break so that we could both think about things. It’s been about a week, and I still don’t know what I should do?

–Wounded Girlfriend

Dear Wounded:

At least he’s a good listener. You told him that he couldn’t be trusted — over and over again; he listened, and he did what you expected. He doesn’t disappoint. If only you had trusted him, then he would have had something to lose.

Absolute trust in a relationship is an absolute necessity, but you absolutely don’t trust men. Yes, you’ve been hurt in the past, but let it go. If not, this will happen again and again. As for this latest episode, try talking to this guy about why he cheated and why he won’t cheat again. But really, you seem too damaged from past relationships to be in any relationship. Until you can trust men, don’t date. If trusting doesn’t come easy, get some professional help. And not all men are cheaters, trust me.

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