Dear Harlan:

I am a senior in college and graduating in May. I am currently dating a man whom I’ve been seeing since the end of high school (approximately four years). He lives at home while I’m at college, and the distance has actually worked for us. But he doesn’t go to college and just works for a living. I am actually in the middle of looking for a job and have no plans to move back to my hometown for a few years. I don’t know what to do about my relationship with him. I do love him, but it really bothers me that he doesn’t have a college education, and I’m afraid that it bothers my family as well. We came from two totally different types of families. So I don’t know if it’s possible for our relationship to work in the long run, or if I should just move on after I graduate.

–Torn

Dear Torn:

Who you are today and who you were four years ago are vastly different. And who you are in three years also will be different. Don’t feel guilty for growing as an individual. Unless he bypassed college because he’s an entrepreneur or in a secure family business (and that can always change), not having a degree means not having as many options in terms of employment. It also means having different life experiences.

If a college education is fundamental to you, ask him to get one. Explain why it’s important (this means being able to communicate it to him clearly). What you need now in a partner and what you needed in high school are not the same. If you’re even a little unsure, take time to see what life offers without him. That means risking losing him, but it also means figuring out what you want. Until you know what you want, you won’t be happy.

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