Dear Harlan:

How can I get over my first love? It’s been a good amount of time, and I still can’t seem to shake the feelings?

–First Love Lingers

Dear First Love Lingers:

First love sticks forever. It’s a permanent mark — like a birthmark or a tattoo that can’t be removed (although most can be removed now). First love is so intense, so powerful and so unhealthy at times. It’s like an intense drug, like heroin (not that I’ve experienced heroin). The problem is that just like a drug, the feelings you get from the high can’t last forever. It’s unnatural for it to last forever. When first love ends, you think that’s what all love is supposed to feel like. But the feelings of a first love aren’t feelings that can be sustained.  Therefore, no relationship can ever compare to first love because first love is not a normal relationship. This isn’t to say other relationships can’t be exciting and exhilarating. A long-lasting relationship built on trust, love and mutual respect can make for a far more meaningful second, third, fourth or fifth love. So, to get over your ex, you have to give yourself permission to have feelings for your ex, but know that it’s normal. Once you can know that it’s normal, you can turn your energy toward building something amazing with someone else.  

- Need Naked Advice? Click here to write Harlan