Dear Harlan:

I know I messed up in my relationship, but I want him back. I cheated on him. Sometimes he acts as if everything is OK, but then sometimes he just snaps. Then he says harsh things, but I know he doesn’t mean them. I don’t know if I should wait around and see what happens, or if I should forget about him and find another.

–Unstable But in Love

Dear Unstable:

You messed up, but don’t sit around waiting for him to snap at you like a rabid dog. Clearly, for him, seeing you means seeing the cheating past. Until he can look at you lovingly, he can’t look at you at all. You can try talking it out and try couples’ counseling, but do something other than sitting idle as he barks at you. Yes, you messed up, but never let him or anyone else abuse you.

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