Dear Harlan:

My boyfriend of about three months is kind of anti-social around my friends and my family. He just goes off and does his own thing, and doesn’t try to interact. He also is making promises to me about getting a place together, getting married  and buying things for us. However, he doesn’t try to get a job to do any of that. I have some major medical problems that limit how active I can be on some days. When I’m in pain, I try not to let him know, but even if I do, he makes me feel guilty and I end up doing whatever he wants — even if it makes me feel physically worse later. I know that I don’t want to end the relationship, but I’m just not sure what to do at this point.

–Lost

Dear Lost:

You might be better off with an imaginary boyfriend. I mean, at least then you would be free to date someone else.  Here’s the truth — if you knew you had 10 guys who would listen to you, interact with your family and friends, and follow through with promises, would you ever stick with this one? NO WAY! Speak up and see if he can rise up. You do have options — lots of them. Once you realize this, you can start speaking from a place of passion instead of living in a place of fear. The fear is that no one else will love you like him. But really, his love doesn’t sound all that loving.

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