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NAKED ADVICE: Boyfriend seems like only choice, not first choice

Dear Harlan:

My boyfriend of about three months is kind of anti-social around my friends and my family. He just goes off and does his own thing, and doesn’t try to interact. He also is making promises to me about getting a place together, getting married  and buying things for us. However, he doesn’t try to get a job to do any of that. I have some major medical problems that limit how active I can be on some days. When I’m in pain, I try not to let him know, but even if I do, he makes me feel guilty and I end up doing whatever he wants — even if it makes me feel physically worse later. I know that I don’t want to end the relationship, but I’m just not sure what to do at this point.

–Lost

Dear Lost:

You might be better off with an imaginary boyfriend. I mean, at least then you would be free to date someone else.  Here’s the truth — if you knew you had 10 guys who would listen to you, interact with your family and friends, and follow through with promises, would you ever stick with this one? NO WAY! Speak up and see if he can rise up. You do have options — lots of them. Once you realize this, you can start speaking from a place of passion instead of living in a place of fear. The fear is that no one else will love you like him. But really, his love doesn’t sound all that loving.

- Need Naked Advice? Click here to write Harlan

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Comment by Blair Elizabeth on August 2, 2012 at 12:42pm

Please get out of this relationship now. You mentioned you have health problems. My mom was bedridden for 5 years and married to a man who didn't take care of her because he was "so sick of her being sick all the time." This man will not take care of you and if you have kids with him, this will not only hurt you, who will be trying to care for them while caring for yourself as well, but the kids will be hurt in the process.

I read somewhere that a relationship accounts for 90% of your happiness. Maybe it's lower. I couldn't find any official statistics but I know it accounts for a major part of your happiness and you won't get healthy by being unhappy. There are men out there who will be there for you in sickness and in health and will love you, your family and your friends. He just hasn't found you yet.

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