I’m an attractive blonde with large breasts who dresses pretty normally. I’m 18, and would love to meet a good guy. However, whether day or night, city or small-town center, I don’t get the kind of male attention that I would like. I’ve been flashed multiple times by creepy men at night, and during the day, guys only whistle at me or stare. They don’t bother to actually ask for my number or talk to me. Also, even though I’m relatively smart, many guys treat me in a derogatory manner: nicknaming me “Tits,” trying to take photos of me naked and making me the butt of many jokes. I’m fine with a little mockery and inappropriate catcalls, but I desperately want to find a new guy who’d be kind to me and (perhaps, hopefully) love me back. Where can I find this possibly nonexistent guy? How should I dress to meet him? What should I say? What am I doing wrong?
Dear Smart Blonde:
You have two big problems and neither one is below your chin. The first is that you’ve never been an 18-year-old guy battling raging testosterone. It messes with our heads. Beautiful women like you can overwhelm the senses. We say and do ridiculous things. We call girls names because we like you so much, but telling you means risking that you’ll reject us. So, we get stupid (or drunk). I’m not absolving men or forgiving their behavior — it’s just hard to think clearly when you’re like a male bull in the midst of mating season. The other problem is that you think you’re doing something wrong. You are smart, beautiful and attractive — not wrong. If you want to meet guys, the answer is simple — approach guys who interest you. The guys you want might not want to be annoying or want you to think they’re creepy. Approach them. You don’t have to kiss them. You don’t have to sleep with them. Just get to know them, and if you like them, let them know that you’re safe for them to like. Give guys permission to be intimidated by you, but never give them permission to disrespect you.
- Need Naked Advice? Click here to write Harlan