Dear Harlan:

I'm interested in dating white men and have some questions. How does a black girl approach a white guy? What if he's not interested in me? How do you feel about interracial dating?

–Looking for a White Guy

Dear Looking:

What do I think? Hmmm. OK. If an attractive, smart black Jewish woman approached me during my single days, I'd definitely be open to dating her (Jewish, because interfaith and interracial might be too complicated for me). I'd expect that not everyone would support my choices. But I'd also trust that if it the relationship was fantastic, and I was happier than ever, the people who didn't support me would come around. And if not, I'd give them permission to be miserable while I lived a happily ever after. Sure, interracial dating can be more complicated, but same race relationships can be just as complicated. As for approaching white guys, some will welcome your advances and others will not. Wanting you might have little to do with your skin color. It could be because a guy is already in a relationship, interested in guys (black men included) or just not looking to date anyone. Approach men as if you're colorblind. Give them an opportunity to see how amazing it can be to date a strong, confident, attractive black woman. If you're afraid of making white guys uncomfortable, try online dating (post a picture), have a friend set you up (make sure he's open to interracial dating) or get to know guys throughout a long period of time, and let a relationship develop. But don't limit yourself just to white guys some people might find that a little bit racist.

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