29 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Having Valentine’s Sex With an Ex
By Harlan Cohen (@HarlanCohen)
Valentine’s season is here and love is in the air. If you’re single and searching, the smell might make you sick. Especially if you happen to spot couples in love who are far less attractive and not nearly as interesting as you. During this vulnerable time of year, there may be a lonely moment or two when you’re tempted to reach out and text someone. But, before hitting send and opting for Valentine's sex with an undeserving ex, ask yourself these 29 questions. Hopefully by the time you’re done answering them, the feeling will pass or your phone will run out of battery:
- What will his or her significant other think?
- Did he really get too drunk to say no when he cheated on me?
- Who do I really want to be with tonight and how can I find him?
- Who has my ex been with since being with me? (ewww)
- Am I better off just masturbating?
- Will I regret this in the morning?
- Will I regret this in the afternoon?
- Will I regret this in the evening?
- Should I go see Argo instead?
- Is that cute shorter guy with the hat still interested in drinks?
- How late is the gym open on Valentine’s Day?
- If I get pregnant tonight, will my ex stick around or will Maury Povich reveal the paternity test results?
- Do I have any gay friends who can fix me up?
- Should I get a massage, facial, pedicure, or screw it, and go for it all?
- Do one in five people really have genital warts or genital herpes? If so, which one of my five friends has a sex souvenir?
- How does one go about finding a really good therapist on Google?
- Why am I so friggin hot and so friggin single? And why do I say friggin when I’m alone asking myself these questions?
- Think my ex ever made a secret sex tape of me? Where can I search?
- What have I done since last Valentine’s Day to find love?
- Does my profile still exist on MySpace?
- Do I hate Valentine’s Day so much because it’s easier to hate it than to do something about it and find love?
- Why am I asking myself questions that might actually help me find answers?
- Is it time to copy & paste this Facebook status? Hot, lonely, and about to sleep with ex, save me! A-holes need not apply...
- Do I hate Valentine’s Day because it’s hard to ignore that I want love in my life, but can't find it? Who do I want to be with tonight? Why am I not doing anything about it? What can I do about it before settling for an ex who doesn't deserve me?
- Again, why I am I asking myself real questions again? Stop it!!!
- Would drinking an entire bottle of wine all by myself mean that I have a drinking problem?
- What would my imaginary boyfriend look like?
- If I hang out at a 24-hour Walgreen's until midnight on Valentine’s Day, will I be there when the candy goes on sale?
- What can I do over the next year to meet people, make it easy for people to meet me, and find love so I don’t have to ask myself 29 questions before considering having Valentine’s Sex with my ex next Valentine's Day?
Have more questions to suggest asking before having sex with an ex?
Share them in the comment area.
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Harlan is a relationship expert, syndicated advice columnist, and New York Times bestselling author of five books. His newest book is Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding The Love of Your Life While Fu.... Visit: www.GettingNakedExperiment.com to find the love of your life. Follow Harlan on Twitter @HarlanCohen, on Facebook at: Facebook.com/HelpMeHarlan, www.HelpMeHarlan.com, and www.NakedRoommate.com.