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So I've really liked this guy for about 3 years now. Within the first year of knowing him (I met him at our place of work) I gave him my number. When he asked what my intentions were in giving him my number, I freaked out and asked him what he thought it meant. He responded with, "well if you meant it to like start dating, I don't think we know each other very well yet, but if you meant it as friends, that's cool". To which I immediately said, "yeah of course, just as friends! haha" and then crawled in a dark hole to die of embarrassment. Time went by and we actually became reallllly close and good friends. About 3 months after I gave him my number, he kinda gave me the whole, "I might like you eventually, but that time is just not right now... but if anything changes, i'll let you know" deal. So a whole about 2 years have gone by and we just seem to be getting closer and closer friends. Throughout those 2 years he seemed to and continually seems to blur the line between friendship and more than friends (i.e.- coming over to my house to hang out without any of our mutual friends while i was home for the weekend from school, always starting the conversation via Facebook chat and other small things like that.) I have a hard time knowing if I should take this as a "more than friends" thing or if I should just me ignoring these things and take them as more than that. There was one guy in between those years that I thought liked me so I started to develop feelings for him too, but then realized he was just using me as a confidence boost. Now I'm out of my stupidity coma and realize that I still really, really like this first guy (guy i've known for 3 years). So, the question becomes, do I tell him again that I like him? Or do I wait around for him to say something?? It's been about 3 years since all of this started so I don't know if he's just afraid to say anything because we're such good friends and he doesn't want to ruin that, or if he forgot that he even said the whole, "I'll let you know if anything changes" thing, or if he just doesn't feel the same way about me... 

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Comment by Grant Posner on May 7, 2012 at 12:55am

If he remembers, he remembers.  There is not much you can do. As it has been 3 years, it is unlikely he does, but if he does, just roll with the punches.

Asking once is not really bothering him, at least it shouldn't be..

As for approaching it, do what feels comfortable.  It is not recommended to just walk up and say it, and I would personally recommend doing it somewhere more private than in public. 

If you feel like you cannot do this (which you can, don't fool yourself) you can resort to the friend method, but like you said, it is childish and in my experience, not very effective, even back then ha ha!

As for a plan, personally I would wing it, as nothing ever goes 100% according to plan.  if you are a planning person, make the plans vague and able to change.  I would not rely on it though as who knows what could happen.  Above all though, plan for failure.  Even though it is not something anyone wants to think about, figure out what may happen if he just rejects you all together, the last thing you probably want to do is just break down in front of him.  I am not saying that this will happen, but it is something you have to plan for above all, because if you do not have a plan for this and it happens, reality will smack you hard.  

Expect success, but plan for failure.

I wish you the best of luck though!  if you have any more questions feel free to ask! and be sure to report anything new so we all can try and assist you!

-Grant

Comment by Ashley Krizik on May 1, 2012 at 11:19pm

Thank you for all the comments friends! :) I've determined that I do eventually have to ask him how he feels about me/ tell him how I feel about him. I know that we will still be able to be friends no matter the outcome of me telling him turns out to be. It just makes me nervous thinking about it. What if he still remembers that he would tell me if anything sparked? I don't want to bagger him with my feelings. Any advice on how to approach the subject with him? Do I pull a 5th grade move and have a mutual friend ask? I'm trying to formulate a good plan and any comments would be greatly appreciated!! :)

Comment by Jonathan Posner on May 1, 2012 at 9:43pm

taking this from personal experience, telling a friend you like them and getting rejected just makes it awkward for a little and if they are truly your friend you all move on from it.  Hell i had my first college roommate cut me in the face with a knife (LONG STORY, i did nothing wrong) and to this day we still talk. I have been on both sides of this and been rejected or rejected someone, its a little weird to get rejected but it did not effect the relationship this person and i had, many other things did (not getting into that one lololol).  I just shook it off an was like "meh, moving on" i know this can be hard for some but if the friendship is that good, i would not be worried at all :)

best of luck

J.P.

Comment by Grant Posner on May 1, 2012 at 9:32pm

It is definitely time to say something, and it will never be easy.  Dating changes everything and a serious relationship can end bad and ruin a friendship.. It has been 3 years, it seems like it is time for you to move.  Good or bad, an answer is an answer.

Now saying that, I am in the same damn situation.  Known this girl for a while, over 2 years, and have liked her for over a year now.  Things were going good then she fell off the face of the earth. This was a continuing cycle and still is, she talks to me, we talk constantly for a few weeks, then she just.. stops.. I have made it plenty clear that I like her and she likes me, but it has never gone anywhere.. even though I wish it would.  So I do feel you pain, it sucks to just get the courage to ask knowing it may screw everything up.. But at some point you have to do it or he is likely to move on.  She did, then she came back.. it was complicated.. I am happy to explain it further in a PM if you care to know.. but it is still something I am dealing with today.  Like we all just graduated college and I really wanted to see her after, but she booked town, for that matter, I didn't see her walk, maybe I was in line at the time, I dont know, but it crushed me to not say anything to her and a lot of people may be like "oh its no big deal" to me, it really was.  

So I really do understand your pain, but the first step is to truly take a step in front of the gun and hope it does not go off. I wish you the best of luck as I know the amount of courage this takes!  Keep me (us) posted and I will do what I can to assist you because it does feel good when you finally tell someone you like them, a big weight off your shoulders!

-Grant 

Comment by h.suzanne18 on May 1, 2012 at 2:07pm

You'll never know until you try. Don't be afraid, I know you have great people to support you. So you'll be fine! :) Cannon ball into the water! 

Comment by Jonathan Posner on May 1, 2012 at 10:33am

I would say to just go for it, it sounds like if you are still talking that there may be a spark.  Something that can be said for most guys (advise from a guy here...) if we are friends with a girl and stick by her this long, it is probably (over 70%) likely we have a crush on her and want to be there for her.  The worst that happens is that its kinda awkward and a little embarrassing.  It is more than likely his is afraid because he feels friendzoned, you may want to have one of your friends ask him, but he may not give an honest answer to them, but if he isn't thick headed will realize that you like him.  I think that he has feelings for you and more than likely forgot to "I'll let you know if anything changes" mostly because he is a guy and we forget most of the things we say that you all tend to remember :).  Good luck and let us know how it goes!

TL;DR: GO FOR IT :)

-Jonathan
"I have CDO, it's OCD with the letters in alphabetical order... as they should be" - Chris Boden, The Geek Group 

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