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Jun 15

Where do gentlemen hang out? Harlan talks about the college years being the best years to find your mate.... well, I'm not looking for a partier or someone that just wants to have a physical connection. I want something real. So where do you all suggest a classy girl should look?

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Here would probably be a good start.

Well I guess the best question to ask is, what is your ideal guy?  You do not want a partier (THANK GOD!) so you are limited there (unfortunately).  You have to first figure out what you want in a guy, personality wise, then you can move forward.  

Guys that do not party tend to hang out in their rooms or with their friends.  This can be on or off campus.  Your best bet would be to meet them in class as that would be the most reliable place to find them during normal hours.  You can find gentlemen by the doors, holding them open for you, the ones who will walk next to you and who will go out of their way to make YOU happy and not themselves.  

Good guys are out there, I promise you.  You do have to try harder because most 'good guys; tend to be shy because they are either naturally shy or have been burned bad in the past by another individual.  Just know, you may have to make the first move and you may have to try harder than with the 'other' guys. All real relationships take work and commitment, it is about enjoying that work and wanting more that keeps it all interesting.  yes, you have to put yourself out there, and no you will not always succeed, but if it was easy, it would not be interesting at all.

So to help you a bit more, what kind of guys are you in to? 

Well, first off, thanks for responding Grant! I didn't know if anyone would actually post on this. 

Second, I don't know if I really believe in having an "ideal guy" built up in my head. If I did this would only lead to men not meeting this view. Please do not take this as me not having standards because I do.

I guess I'm looking for someone that is comfortable and happy with who they are, but willing to grow as an individual as well as with someone else. A guy that doesn't take like too seriously (as I tend to), but is intelligent. Someone that believes family should come first and that every day is a learning opportunity. Has morals and values because HE wants to, not because of me, or because of his mom, etc. An independent well rounded sort of guy. Someone that puts others before himself willingly. Someone that can make me laugh and enjoy the small and big moments in life.

Now Grant, I understand that this is probably not what you meant by your question of "What kind of guys are you in to." But I don't have an actual type such as a jock, nerd, etc. Each person is different and unique, and I want a good guy that wants to be my person. 

I don't know if this answers your question, and if it doesn't my apologies and disregard it as a rant. haha 

Thanks for the help :)

I think ranting is one of the big things about this site, whether people complaining or just doing long winded responses ha ha! It only adds to the complexities that we all share!  Also, I try and respond to posts that I feel for, you know, like understand the struggle or share it, in this case the latter is true.  

Frankly your response will end up helping more than a demographic.. What you are looking for will not be in front of your eyes, I promise you.  These guys are rare, and becoming more rare constantly as they start to conform to society and saying screw morals and respect for beer and loose women.. And personally I wish this was the opposite.  

I will say that the guy you are looking for will most likely take life very seriously, if he is as close to family and has morals and whatnot, he will value each day for what it is, a once in a lifetime chance to make change.  I am a change maker, that is what I do and enjoy. 

Someone who is comfortable with themselves, I believe, will be the toughest thing to find in a guy.  Believe it or not, but most guys are self conscious, we are taught to be the emotionless chunks of beefcake, not loving, caring individuals, so when guys so emotional and get shot down they tend to close up, and get scared to open up. That or they become cocky, but you are not looking for that, so we will ignore it for now.  Many guys can learn to be comfortable with themselves but first they must have someone who is comfortable with THEM.  I know I am personally extremely worried about my image, and how I look because I am not some muscle machine, but I can defend myself and others and have in the past.  I also know that I am very shy, and I know I am not alone there.  Most of my friends are the same way.  

How many guy friends do you have? Ones that you may have 'friend-zoned' that are really good guys?  I would bet a non-trivial amount of money that at least one of them likes you.  It may be worth a shot to give them a chance..  In the off chance that you do not have any guy friends, then your search is on.  Stay away from parties and bars because I can almost guarantee you that you will not find the right guy there.  If you find yourself at a location like that, check the wall, an gentlemen's shy nature and want to retail physical space and security are generally drawn there ha ha.  There are no 'perfect' guys out there, you just have to find the one that is perfect for you.

^see I can be ranty too :)  Talk all you want (be aware of the 4000 word limit though) complain, SCREAM, do whatever you want, I and others are here to help you :)  You seem like a great person looking for another great person to fill a hole in your heart.  The right guy is out there and you WILL find him, until then, empty your heart through your words.  Don't spill on the keyboard though, computers and electronics hate liquids ;) 

-Grant 

TL;DR to Grant's post: There are many good guys out there, most of them are your best friends and probably have a crush on you.  They are the ones you trust and trust you back, they are the ones there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.  THOSE are the good guys (everyone has those close friends, whether guys or girls... this applies to you ALL!!), if you open your mind to them as potential then you will be surprised ;).

-Jonathan
"CAPS LOCK IS JUST CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL"- Chris Boden, The Geek Group 

They are everywhere! Once you can embrace The Universal Rejection Truth and train in your thongs they will be much easier to spot and approach (yes, you will do the approaching). They will pop up during your daily routine. You'll see them online, at work, at restaurants, at parties, and with your friends. You will find them.  And they will be much more comfortable approaching you because you will be far more approachable. In fact, allow more men access to you in more places and let them come to you.  Use time and sobriety to filter out the users, losers, and pretenders. Once you focus more on what you like, rather than on being liked, you can find them. Being here is a huge step.  Reading the book is a huge step.

Elly,

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

What are YOU doing to give men access to you? How do men find you?  Are you online? Are you in rooms where men can find you?  Are you being set up?  Do you consistently approach men who interest you?  Do you make it safe for them approach you (meaning, if you approach me, I won't reject you)?  What have you done to find love today?  What will you do tomorrow?  Whatever you've done, try something different.  If you've done it all, do it all again, but change how you do it.  Read the book.  Follow the five steps.  Then get back to me.  Deal?

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